looking at art

A few weeks ago I went to the Chicago Art Institute. I always feel rejuvenated after visiting an art museum. It pulls me out of my head and distracts me from all the mundane things I worry about unnecessarily on a daily basis. This trip seemed long over-do, and somehow reflecting on it now makes me realize how much this past month was recovering from the prior five.

I began by studying some photographs, comparing the differences between printing and developing methods, reading the name of each artist, title, and materials. Then I set out through the contemporary building and decided that I was not going to read anything. Instead I would just focus on the painting itself – I could only take in so many words and changing my focus constantly was becoming somewhat dizzying. Often though, I couldn’t help myself and I needed the curator’s enlightening descriptions. I made my way through a few connected rooms and, quite pleased with what I had seen, stepped back into the hallway. Suddenly overwhelmed by how much was housed in a single wing of this building, I considered calling it a day - until I thought of all the beautiful paintings that would be in the next room over, so many artists I love. I decided that I had to walk through a few more rooms, just to be in the presence of such beauty and wonder. I stood to look at a painting, but rather than study it I let the whole room flood over me, with such richness that it far surpassed any one masterpiece.

Somehow my few hours immersed in artwork mirrored my recent experiences as a third year medical student, at least in sentiment. I have many stories to tell, each of them great on their own, but all together they make up something greater. Something I don’t yet have the words for and maybe never will. But it is wonderful, this mixture of excitement and anxiety, sadness and relief, complete engagement and detachment. And there has been an overarching sense of being overwhelmed. Not in the way I felt overwhelmed by the massive amount I had to learn in anatomy, not a sense of something being unconquerable or time being too short, but such a flood of experience that I will need some time to pull myself up out of the water before I can reflect on it all.

In contrast to all that, my few days of Christmas vacation have been so beautifully simple. I’m back in Texas, and I think that adds to the feeling, both for its reminder of my youth as well as the basic kindness of strangers that goes hand in hand with southern hospitality. I’ve been relishing in walks through the neighborhood, blue skies, green leaves still hanging to trees, and lazy mornings with my family. I think it’s the perfect transition into the new semester, with a new confidence that I know what I want to do with my future, and a renewed connection with the idea of becoming not just a doctor but a healer.

I saw some art again today. This time it was the Menil Collection, a much more manageable, focused collection of art. I walked through the naturally lit rooms, surrounded by beauty, and felt like I was able to take it all in and process it to some degree. My last stop was the Rothko Chapel, and left with a profound feeling of peace.

I hope you have all had a wonderful Christmas and are filled with love and joy as we begin to look towards the new year.

time to reflect

The last two months have gone by so quickly and the past six weeks have been so crazy I haven't really had time to let it all soak in. It was my last summer in Denton so my goal was to wind down on my work schedule, say my good-byes, and prepare myself for medical school. I also took a French class because I have no idea when I will be able to do something like that again. I did have a few episodes of feeling worried about preparing for the move to Chicago and about what awaits me when I begin medical school. I was finally beginning to feel like I had things under control when something crazy happened - my husband, a friend and I were hit by an 18-wheeler on I-35 on our way back from Dallas. We are incredibly fortunate that none of us were injured, but this added a few complications to our plans. We are still dealing with the Canadian insurance company and are in the process of buying a new car. Every time I get upset Ian reminds me, we should just be thankful that we are alive to be frustrated. How true that is. I am so glad that I am alive and healthy enough to do yoga, and to love my friends and family, and to work on becoming a doctor, and to enjoy this beautiful world...

After the accident I realized that I was really happy with how I had spent the previous month. I didn't review the notes from each of my undergraduate biology courses, nor did I memorize all the vocabulary in my Spanish for Medical Professions book; but I did spend a lot of time with my friends, and now I see that that really was the most important thing I could have done.

I got to be part of a dear friend's beautiful wedding.

I taught myself more about photography while figuring out my new camera.

I saw a humpback whale and her calf in Cape Cod.

I received a lesson in Indian cooking from my organic chemistry professor and her mother.

I shared some fantastic meals with friends.

I strengthened some old relationships and made some amazing new ones.

We had a Spanish-style going away party - complete with paella, sangria, and music.

I said good-bye to my coworkers, the hospital, the university, the new-age hippie town that has been home for the past five years, my friends, and finally I said good-bye to a big, beautiful Texas sky.

snow day

I know that many people in the Northeast must be annoyed by all the recent snow, and my sister in Nebraska is just sick and tired of it, but coming from Denton, Texas I have to say: Yay! It's snowing! It has been snowing all day long, and it's going to keep snowing all night. I mean really snowing. There are several inches of snow on the ground. I have never seen it like this here - it's so beautiful! This morning I walked to class only to find out that it was canceled (we Texans don't know how to handle this kind of thing), but it was so much fun to see everything covered in snow that I went back home to get my camera.

It's amazing how the campus was transformed - it was filled with the sound of children. Well, actually, there were no children but it was filled with that amount of joy and laughter. Even the few professors I saw had a hidden smile and a gleam in their eyes. At first I noticed people walking around with a snowball in their hand, just in case they saw somebody that looked like a good target. After a few hours there were large snowball fights going on throughout campus.  There were snowmen of all shapes and sizes scattered throughout campus (one of my favorites held a sign that said "I love global warming.") Some students stopped  to pose with thier friends for a photo in front of the Administration Building or library fountain.  A diesel pick-up truck made figure-eights in an empty parking lot. Everybody was so friendly. Usually we all just rush from one building to the next, barely noticing the people around us. But today everyone looked at me and smiled as if to say, "hey, isn't this great!?"

An extra note about those snowmen - there was also a phallic one in front of the fraternity houses. "True to the university frat. culture," I said to my husband, rolling my eyes. But he, the philosophy student, had a different interpretation. Here is his story: ancient Greek gods were often depicted with a large erect phallus. A prominent Athenian statesman and general named Alcibiades was accused of desecrating pillars with depictions of Hermes by breaking off the phalli. The city decided to delay trial so that he could continue on his planned voyage, defending the city of Athens against the Sicilians city. While he was gone his enemies within the city were emboldened and plotted against him. Suspecting an unfortunate fate Alcibiades did not return to Athens. Rather, he went on and became an advisor to the Spartans, ultimately leading to the fall Athens. --- So perhaps these modern "greek" brother were just trying to bring back the ancient culture, a sort of Athenian revival. 

When I came home from work in the evening it was still snowing. I stood by the car for a moment, alone, admiring the beauty, and the silence which allowed me to hear the snow melting from the rooftops.  I knew that by Saturday it would be 50 and sunny.